the Fluke Puke


I need to discuss something. Something that I’ve never seen discussed anywhere. Perhaps because all moms fear it so much they won’t even whisper the word, let alone discuss it with their friends…

What could strike such terror within the hearts of otherwise courageous and fearless women?
The fluke puke.

Ugh. Even typing it makes my arm hair stand up.
You are all doing your thing, and someone coughs. Then it comes. Puke. Ugh. Oh no. Is it a stomach virus? Are we going to be quarantined for a week? Or more?

But wait. There was a cough. Your eyes open wide. Maybe it was just the fluke puke.
On one hand, fluke pukes are awesome. It means there won’t be vomit everywhere. It means you may actually get to go in that mom’s night out that you have been planning for months.
And there’s a big but.
The fluke puke is so terrifying because you just don’t know. You’ll live next 24 hours in fear. Any time your kid makes a quick moment your heart sinks and you say to yourself, “Welp. There’s that. He’s going to barf his BRAT diet everywhere.” But then there’s nothing. Maybe you just got lucky though. Every sad face, “Yep. Here it comes. Banana puke.” But nope, he’s just whizzed that Mickey Mouse is over. Do you go anywhere? What if he pukes all over the grocery store? Do you chance it? Do you TELL ANYONE?! What if they treat you like you have the plague? Oh you know it’s coming. If you even mention puke people go running for the hills.
Ugh. The Fluke Puke. It’s almost just as bad as the stomach bug.

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