So things have changed so much over the last year. We’ve decided to put our house on the market, our kids have all gotten larger, and I’ve settled into the role of praise and worship leader at our church. I have been crazy busy and as you all know, balance is hard.
I’ve decided to examine who and where I want to be in this life. I want to be more present, and I want to do the things that my heart calls out to do. One of these things is being a doula. I had a really hard time balancing life when Dixon was born. We had just lost the girls a few weeks prior when I found out I was pregnant. Life was hard. In the year since he’s been here though, I’ve found balance was so hard to find. That’s one of the places I really struggle with. I like to be everything for everyone all the time and now through therapy I’ve found that just isn’t possible. I have to have priorities. I have to say no to good things sometimes. And I have to create a balance that may not work for anyone else but does work for my family.
Being a doula is one of those areas. I would love to have a thriving business being a doula, but this is just not the season for us. So while my heart cries out to help women in birth, I’ve decided that I can make it work without making my family struggle. Being a doula is something I feel called to do, but the business aspect was just not working for me. I support all doulas who charge, so that isn’t where this is coming from. It’s truly coming from a place where my heart can be happy, I can be happy doing what I love, without the aspects that stress me out. So I have decided to become a not for profit doula. I also am dramatically limiting the number of births I attend. I don’t know exactly what this will look like as I’m trying to figure it all out, but I know that it has to look like something I can be happy with. Serving women in pregnancy and labor is something my heart desires, the business part isn’t, for now. Maybe that will change in a year, who knows. But for now I’ve found peace in it.